In the Lord, I put my Trust

After an 8 year career in marketing, I knew there was a calling on my life to do women's ministry. I fought myself for almost a year, fearing what life would be like without my good income and luxuries it afforded me - fearing "what would happen if I started all over"? Through the preaching at NewSpring (http://www.newspring.cc/) with bitterness of soul and intense conviction I clearly knew that I was choosing a life about comfort, contentment, and a paycheck over what God's design for my life. Every message it seemed the scripture came up that you can not worship God and money. For a long time, I justified staying in my career because it allowed me to give to charities, volunteer, give people money, and give freely. Yet, very quickly I lost that perspective and soon found myself at the shopping malls every weekend - subconciously trying to gain fulfilment - dropping hundreds of dollars on empty material things. In my case, money was synonymous with a job that I found myself, unexpectedly, simply miserable doing every day. For months, I carried on dreading to wake up, dreading the work, the day, the environment - and I struggled to keep a good attitude. This uneasiness came around the time I gave birth to my son James - but for a long time I knew I was designed for something else other than what I was comfortably doing every day. I used excuses like charity, donations, but I was not even a good steward of my money for those purposes - not in the way that I used those reasons to try and justify staying where I was. I, "had it made", if you asked anyone. A very comfortable life, secure, and abundant financially. But every day feelings grew stronger that made me wrestle with finding the answer to "What would I do if I did not 'need' this paycheck?" What would I do if I knew success was guaranteed? I told my husband the moment that I had a clear answer to this, if the answer was different than the current path I was on in my career, then I would be done and change directions to live the blessed life I knew that God has designed for me - and He has designed a blessed life for each of us. Every time I got conviction about needing to let go of this job, that path, and I knew that is where I was being led - fear overran my actions and I never followed through. I was the breadwinner in my household. We built a lifestyle committed to that income. Soon, the work stress began to keep me up at night. I slet less, ate worse, and I was losing my focus on the greatest blessing ever, my family and the daily experiences shared. I was on my smart phone at 11 at night - staying constantly spun up over what this person e-mailed, or that person did, or how this process was not working or how I had a better idea of how to do things. I was consumed with trying to control a corporate environment for my betterment. It was all about me. My husband listened to me for hours each day - going on and on about this project or some sort of drama. But, God kept pushing Jeremiah 29:11 on me. I knew that God's design for my life would not be one that displaces my family and brings me ill health. It was time for me to let go of a paycheck and that path on 100% faith that I knew I was called to take action and be home with my son more and spend more time with my family. But wait, what about our house? Can we afford our house? Can we keep up the yard my husband has worked so hard at? What is he going to say? How will he feel about me? Will I be as secure in my marriage if I make such a huge change? What will others think about me just walking away? What if they think I am crazy and talk about me when I am gone? What if they give my job to someone who can not do what I do everyday? What if - what if what if....

I heard on the radio that day Dr. Dobson say "I had to realize at a point in my career, that my first ministry, is really my family". WOW! I did not even have the energy available after 5 to really focus on quality experiences with my family. My phone would "ding" - you have a voice mail and I was sucked in over and over and not letting go of work, and not creating any work / life balance. I realized I did not have the capability any more to even entertain that I could eventually figure out how to do that. So I turned my notice in on August 7 and have not looked back. What happened? I buried myself in prayer and reading materials and Godly counsel to grasp God ordained clarity and wisdom. I knew I needed to be very careful to resust giving in to any fears about money - as that would likely put me back in the same boat of distraction without a focus on this call on my life. The joy and peace were immediate. God is enlarging my territory one person and experience at a time.

My prayer today: Psalm 11:1 "In the Lord, I put my trust"
Lord I pray today that YOU and YOUR WORD bemy sole source of stability; that the boldness and courage I need to bring glory to you today will be unquestionable and effervescent; I pray that I will use my time and make the chioces that are about your design for my life and not about pleasing others or trying to impress others; Lord please help me face these fears - mostly financial, but also emotional; as I take action to build a women's ministry and support my family emotionally, spiritually, financially, physically. Father I thank you that you made me an Eagle who has the courage to live FREE above the status quo - in your word - as your word is my power to face the fears of letting go of an easier path - for one that is more about YOU and less of me. Knowing that every step I take is for your glory -and not my own. Please enlarge Grace Abounds Ministries to reach every person in need that needs to see the love, design, peace and joy you have for their life knowing you and having a real relationship with You. I

I pray for patience and strength - as I wait on you Lord to open doors and as I take action each day based on the God ordained clarity and wisdom you provide through prayer and godly counsel. Help me to wait on your design, and not be distracted or confused by things that can make me feel more secure. That I not try to force doors open - and please give me the wisdom to have discretion over the coming opportunities. Lord I pray that your scripture be my point of reference for TRUTH and not the visions of others. Let the judgements of others never move me to make any decision that leads me away from what you have called me to do. Help me to know your words and your plan with God ordained wisdom. My life is in your hands. Lord, help me carry on.

Keri Ann Unsworth
Grace Abounds Ministries #1